Who knew that adoption would be such an emotional roller coaster! But I love Christmas time so that makes it all right. On a light note, we have mice in our attic this year which gives us germaphobes some stress but I can't help laugh because I keep imagining them having this party up there. I think I'm reading too many cutsey Christmas books.
Tomorrow is a really special day for our family. It's actually a holiday we celebrate called New Hearts Day. Five years ago today, a really special little 3 month old baby girl went back to her Heavenly Father and her amazing family decided to donate her organs. Our little Dallin was on deaths door when we received the news that there was a heart that was a good enough match to try the transplant. First there was Joy and rejoicing. Then there was sorrow for the little one who died. Then there was fear that Dal wouldn't make it through the surgery. Well, he made it through and is doing well, and there hasn't been a day when we haven't prayed for our sweet donor family. I have actually felt her near at special moments over the past years. So, tomorrow we celebrate Dallin's new heart, a new chance at life. And we also have activities that make us think about how WE can have new hearts. In the scriptures we read of having a change of heart, isn't that a new heart? We will be setting goals and changing our hearts. Celebrate with us!
Hey, to all of you who have had children in my singing group for the past few Christmas seasons, I wanted to let you know that I am starting up again on Friday, September 19th. If they don't make it to the first lesson, it's ok. I havn't been on the ball enough this year, but I do have some really fun pre recorded music this year. I am also really excited to have 2 groups for younger and older kids. Please tell everyone you know about it and call me to let me know if you're in this year. Thankyou so much!
If you were to have asked me 15, 10, 5, or even 1 year ago to describe the way I envision my life, I would never never never have descried to you my reality. And that is what makes life such a grand adventure. There have been scary things like Dallin's heart defect and everything that it meant for him and us. Heart Transplant was a very scary thing that happened in random "other people's' lives. Watching my too small baby die was a horrible nightmare that happens to poor other people and I knew there was no way I could handle something like that. There have also been some very very unexpected and joyful experiences that have both happened on their very own and as a result of going through hardships. And now, out of the blue, the path that I have been prompted to go down right now is one I also never envisioned for myself. Adoption. Jeff and I are getting ready to put our papers in tomorrow. The process may go pretty fast because we are adopting an African American boy and they come fast. I am so excited. I am also nervous because I know that this, like other things, will require me to really think about how to handle future situations. But for right now, I am just full of love and ready to welcome a new baby into our home.
I know I need to update this really bad! How's this for updating....Mr. Jeff and I are in the prossess of filling out adoption papers! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! I know, pretty crazy, huh? Suffice it to say for right now that it is deffinately something we feel inspired to do. I will give you more details as they come.
How does time go by so fast? I remember when I was little, it seemed like time dragged on forever! Summer Vacation seemed to be a year. How can summer already be almost over? Not only that but last week I went to reunion with some sisters from my mission and my cute visitor center directors. It has been 10 years since I came home from my mission. How can that be? It's fun to realize that when you get together with old friends, most of the time things just start back up where they left off. I have really been lucky in my life from High School through College and my mission and my "grown up life" to have been blessed with awesome friends. I love you guys!
Last night amidst crazy women dancing and singing in their seats at Mama Mia, I had this happiness bubble swell up inside of me. I was excited about life and when I left the theater I felt ready to take on the world again. It's amazing what good friends, some music and a funny movie can do. Or maybe it was because I was wearing a very bright flowery shirt. Who knows? I have been singing the songs all day long. I can't get them out of my head!
To all of you who read my blog, i hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable if I talk a little bit about my grief. I am finding over the last few months that some days, I am really really happy and some are really hard. Especially as I approach my due date this week. I have felt a little bit like I have been in a really wierd haze this last couple of weeks. I know that this is my life I'm living but sometimes I can't believe it. Although that strong feeling of being uplifted and carried by the Lord has subsided a lot, I still feel what an amazing blessing it is to be Isaac's mother as well as Dallin's and Sydnee's. So, time is marching on and I still miss Isaac. I wonder when that starts getting better?
So, there I was....... coming back in to my neighborhood from pickin Syd up from a friends house. And there was a cop parked at the top of my street. I said to myself, "Please dont see me, Please don't see me, please don't see me." As I got almost to my Mother in laws house, I looked into the mirror and yep, He'd seen me. He was tearing down my neighborhood road like he was after someone on a high speed chase. He had his lights on too, so I pulled over my old minivan right in front of Kathy's house. I got out of the car and he said," maam please get back inside your vehicle." Then he said "do you know why I pulled you over?" I told him I was aware that my registration had expired and that is why we never drive this car. I explained to him that I was on my way to pick up my son so that we could all go to get the windsheild fixed so we could get the car inspected and registered. He must have thought my story was amusing. He had a smurk on his face. He went back to his car while I waved at all my neighbors as they drove or walked by or just watched from their porches. He had no mercy on me for my good intentions. But I have a question, How am I supposed to get my car registered if I cant drive it to get it registered? Go figure. Anyway, I guess I'm a big time criminal!
So, Dallin is still at the hospital. For all of you who have been on pins and needles wondering if he is contagious, none of his tests have come back posative even the herpes. So, I think everything is ok that way. But we still don't know what it is. He might even have to stay another night. He won Hospital Bingo this morning and they said his name on TV and he was really really excited about that! He got a cool game of checkers as a prize. Sydnee and I miss him. It's hard for me to not be at the hospital with him this time, but until my cough goes away, they don't want me to be cooped up in a little room with him. Jeff is a trooper!
Tonight, I'm waxing sentimental. I've actually been reading a book about Emma Smith. Holy Moly! I can't fathom the great spiritual reserve she had. I'm wishing i had a little more right now. How did she do it? She had to have lived with so much fear. But she always always always just trusted in the Lord. That almost sounds like a tright phrase, we hear it so much. Everyone say it with me...Faith, not fear.....Faith, not fear... Maybe I'll feel the vibe and not be so scared.
I just wanted to let everyone know that Dallin is in the hospital. Jeff took him to the ER Monday night at 9:00. We were afraid that the really really bad rashy stuff on his arm might possably be shingles or chicken pox after all. But it turns out, it isn't. He's still there as of right now and might have to stay the night again. They think it might be some kind of herpes virus that attacks weak places on the skin like his warts. They've run a whole bunch of tests and we havn't got any results yet. It scares me because the doctor once mentioned to me that any kind of herpes, including cold sores are a very dangerous thing for him to get. As for Dallin's spirits, when I talked to him last he was watching Monsters Inc. and ordering anything and everything he wanted from the cafeteria including lots and lots of his favorite fruits. He told me he was going to have pancakes for lunch. Yum! He's a little trooper and hopefully he will be back home very soon. By the way, Antimony was really fun! To any of you who are wondering if he was contagious, I am going to find out and let you know.
Yesterday was 3 months since my little Isaac was born and died. Oh, how I miss him! I don't know what it is about this week that has been harder than usual for me, but it has been. On a happier note, I have not been sick for a few weeks, now that is truley a miracle for me and I am really enjoying it. I have been able to work a ton around my house and yard which takes my mind off of how much I miss my baby. My only wish for this summer is to get my kids to stay home for more than 10 minutes at a time. They keep telling me that it's summer time so they can do whatever they wanna do, because it says that in High School Musical 2. Oh Boy! Is that true for me to? Carribean, here I come.
So, I have finally joined the wonderful world of blogging. I hope this is not going to become an addiction but I've heard it might. In any case, at least I'll quit feeling so guilty about never writing in my journal. Please forgive me while i try to figure this out. I am a little bit computer illiterate.